Oncology was one of the areas that I thought I wanted to be in, at least that was the past. I am currently attached to Oncology and just realised how depressing it can be to be a doctor in this unit. I have seen a few cancer patients and it seems so awkward to interview them cos I'm not sure if I am stepping into a dark zone which stirs up their emotions.
Just last week, I witnessed a doctor breaking bad news to a patient with breast cancer. She had breast cancer for quite some time but was under medications and she thought it was fine. Then, she had this back pain and the imaging results showed that she is likely to have metastases (cancer spread) to her back. She was astounded upon hearing this news and cried.
Having seen so many breast cancer patients, this disease seems really scary. It seems as though having it is like carrying a time bomb. That is why it is so important for women to check their breasts regularly and go for mamograms regularly when they are old.
On the whole, cancer seems so scary and you can never know if you are fully cured. It can hide somewhere and you'll never know it is there until it relapse...
For now, oncology is not under the list of areas which I would be interested in. Hopefully there would be other areas coming up that would interest me. Only a few more years to go before I have to decide.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
1st Suturing Experience
Yesterday was the first time I got to do a suture on a real patient in the OT. It was a great feeling. While I had been hoping to be given the chance to do it, it came a little unexpected as I thought my prof had forgotten about his promise to let me stitch a patient before I leave for my next rotation.
Even though I did not do much suturing, only 1 stitch, it was still great cos at least I got to do something. Considering I had only practised on fake arms etc, it was nice of them to let me do one stitch under supervision. Haha. Hope I will get to do stitching again next time, and nicer stitches as well. =)
Saturday, March 21, 2009
1st Death
It's been almost 7 weeks since I've been in the hospital. It's a totally new experience where I get to learn on the spot, learning real stuff and applying my knowledge on real patients/ real cases. However, things can get a lot more confronting too.
While simple stuff like doing IV, drawing blood and injections made me so excited initially. It was the emotional stuff that left much deeper impression than the first time doing those simple procedures.
Just last week, I was talking to a patient who came in with multiple fractures from a fall. She was asking me about whether she is expected to go down for a CT and I din know whether she is so I passed the msg to the nurse and tot the nurse would answer the patient. This patient then had a med call on one day. Many doctors and nurses and health care workers rushed to her and did all sorts of stuff on her. They had to jab needles all over to get blood from her to test her blood. Then, they had to perform Xray for her and she was really in great pain but they had to move her in order to take those Xrays. Seeing her going through the great ordeal made me eyes a little moist. That left a great impact on my mind. I can still recall that vivid picture.
It was also at that time that her family members were in another room to discuss whether to put her under the NFR (Not for resuscitation) list. Not everyone agreed, most didn't. I started to ponder why all these decisions must be made by the family members and no one bothered to ask the patient. Well, the patient was a little demented but did that stop her from making her own decision? I don't know. Moreover, I could tell the clinicians were a little unhappy that the family did not just agree to NFR. Did they feel that if everyone agreed it would make everyone's life simpler? I'm not sure too. But it's a life here. On the otherhand, the patient is quite old and resuscitation might be fruitless. I don't have an answer to these questions.
Anyway, the patient died on the very next day. I felt depressed hearing that. But she departed in a very painless manner. Should I be happy that she did not have to go through all the suffering then? Or should I be sad that she was fine and healthy before she came in and one fall changed everything and she did not manage to make it back home from where she came...
While simple stuff like doing IV, drawing blood and injections made me so excited initially. It was the emotional stuff that left much deeper impression than the first time doing those simple procedures.
Just last week, I was talking to a patient who came in with multiple fractures from a fall. She was asking me about whether she is expected to go down for a CT and I din know whether she is so I passed the msg to the nurse and tot the nurse would answer the patient. This patient then had a med call on one day. Many doctors and nurses and health care workers rushed to her and did all sorts of stuff on her. They had to jab needles all over to get blood from her to test her blood. Then, they had to perform Xray for her and she was really in great pain but they had to move her in order to take those Xrays. Seeing her going through the great ordeal made me eyes a little moist. That left a great impact on my mind. I can still recall that vivid picture.
It was also at that time that her family members were in another room to discuss whether to put her under the NFR (Not for resuscitation) list. Not everyone agreed, most didn't. I started to ponder why all these decisions must be made by the family members and no one bothered to ask the patient. Well, the patient was a little demented but did that stop her from making her own decision? I don't know. Moreover, I could tell the clinicians were a little unhappy that the family did not just agree to NFR. Did they feel that if everyone agreed it would make everyone's life simpler? I'm not sure too. But it's a life here. On the otherhand, the patient is quite old and resuscitation might be fruitless. I don't have an answer to these questions.
Anyway, the patient died on the very next day. I felt depressed hearing that. But she departed in a very painless manner. Should I be happy that she did not have to go through all the suffering then? Or should I be sad that she was fine and healthy before she came in and one fall changed everything and she did not manage to make it back home from where she came...
Thursday, December 18, 2008
First Post
I've been having this idea of having a blog dedicated to writing about my medical education, noting down what I've seen and experienced and how I feel about them etc. I'm not too sure how it will work but I do hope this will work out so after many years, I can come back and see what I went through and my emotions at that particular time.
Many peopl ask why I wanted to be a doctor. Sounds childish and shallow but as I had explained in my personal blog before, it was really inspired by the HK dama, Healing Hands, if I remember the title correctly.
In regards to whether I regret studying medicine, it's a complicated questions. I believe many people in my situation do fear regreting their decision since this decision doesn't come cheap. Studying medicine oversea would easily cost something close to 0.35-0.5 million. At some point in time, I did question myself. I fear that passion would die off some time. However, when I think back, there wasnt much I would want to study. So, now, intead of what I want, it became what I dont want. I realise the time when I was studying Chem Eng in NUS was an agonising period. Not only was I not happy, I felt very stressful of the environment. I guess studying medicine would be better off for me then. Hopefully, my passion would last throughout my career cause I guess, helping others do give me a sense of satisfaction.
I guess this blog might be a little boring for people who doesnt understand about medicine but I will try to make things sound simple enough for layman to understand.
Many peopl ask why I wanted to be a doctor. Sounds childish and shallow but as I had explained in my personal blog before, it was really inspired by the HK dama, Healing Hands, if I remember the title correctly.
In regards to whether I regret studying medicine, it's a complicated questions. I believe many people in my situation do fear regreting their decision since this decision doesn't come cheap. Studying medicine oversea would easily cost something close to 0.35-0.5 million. At some point in time, I did question myself. I fear that passion would die off some time. However, when I think back, there wasnt much I would want to study. So, now, intead of what I want, it became what I dont want. I realise the time when I was studying Chem Eng in NUS was an agonising period. Not only was I not happy, I felt very stressful of the environment. I guess studying medicine would be better off for me then. Hopefully, my passion would last throughout my career cause I guess, helping others do give me a sense of satisfaction.
I guess this blog might be a little boring for people who doesnt understand about medicine but I will try to make things sound simple enough for layman to understand.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
