1st Death

It's been almost 7 weeks since I've been in the hospital. It's a totally new experience where I get to learn on the spot, learning real stuff and applying my knowledge on real patients/ real cases. However, things can get a lot more confronting too.

While simple stuff like doing IV, drawing blood and injections made me so excited initially. It was the emotional stuff that left much deeper impression than the first time doing those simple procedures.

Just last week, I was talking to a patient who came in with multiple fractures from a fall. She was asking me about whether she is expected to go down for a CT and I din know whether she is so I passed the msg to the nurse and tot the nurse would answer the patient. This patient then had a med call on one day. Many doctors and nurses and health care workers rushed to her and did all sorts of stuff on her. They had to jab needles all over to get blood from her to test her blood. Then, they had to perform Xray for her and she was really in great pain but they had to move her in order to take those Xrays. Seeing her going through the great ordeal made me eyes a little moist. That left a great impact on my mind. I can still recall that vivid picture.

It was also at that time that her family members were in another room to discuss whether to put her under the NFR (Not for resuscitation) list. Not everyone agreed, most didn't. I started to ponder why all these decisions must be made by the family members and no one bothered to ask the patient. Well, the patient was a little demented but did that stop her from making her own decision? I don't know. Moreover, I could tell the clinicians were a little unhappy that the family did not just agree to NFR. Did they feel that if everyone agreed it would make everyone's life simpler? I'm not sure too. But it's a life here. On the otherhand, the patient is quite old and resuscitation might be fruitless. I don't have an answer to these questions.

Anyway, the patient died on the very next day. I felt depressed hearing that. But she departed in a very painless manner. Should I be happy that she did not have to go through all the suffering then? Or should I be sad that she was fine and healthy before she came in and one fall changed everything and she did not manage to make it back home from where she came...